Communication Doesn’t Need a Reward: It’s Inherently Motivating

by laura dodd - link therapies

As speech-language pathologists, we often hear well-meaning families say things like, “He can communicate—he just doesn’t want to,” or “She knows how to ask but won’t do it unless we make her.” These statements are usually born out of frustration, especially when a child has the ability to speak or use a communication system but doesn’t consistently do so. But here’s an important truth we want to share:

Communication is intrinsically motivating.

Unlike other skills—like solving a math problem or learning to tie shoes—communication is driven by a basic human desire to connect, express, and share joy with others. We are wired for interaction from the moment we are born. Babies coo and gaze at caregivers long before they say words. Toddlers bring toys to adults and point things out not just to get something, but to share an experience: “Look at this cool bug!” “Did you see what I saw?”

Language Isn't Just a Learned Behavior

Sometimes families view communication as something that needs to be taught the same way we teach spelling or multiplication tables—with drills, rewards, and consequences. But language is fundamentally different.

Language emerges in the context of relationships, play, and real-world experiences. Children learn to communicate not because they are rewarded with stickers or screen time, but because they experience the joy of being understood, the delight of making someone laugh, the comfort of asking for help and receiving it. When a child says “mama” and mama lights up with a smile, that is reinforcement enough. The connection is the reward.

When we approach communication as something that requires external motivators to “make” a child participate, we risk turning something naturally joyful into a task or obligation. This can lead to increased resistance and frustration—not only for the child, but for the family as well.

“He Just Doesn’t Want To” – What’s Really Going On?

When a child is not communicating, it’s rarely because they don’t want to. More often, it’s because:

• They don’t have a reliable or accessible way to express themselves

• They don’t feel confident or successful when they try

• The environment isn’t rich in opportunities for authentic, low-pressure communication

• They haven’t yet experienced communication as powerful, meaningful, or fun

In these cases, increasing pressure or using rewards may backfire. Instead, we want to create interactions where communication feels safe, empowering, and joyful.

Supporting Communication Through Connection

So how do we help a child who isn’t yet using communication consistently?

✅ Start with shared experiences. Get down on their level, follow their interests, and narrate what’s happening. Play is a great vehicle for connection.
✅ Respond to all communication—not just words. A look, a gesture, a sound—when we treat these as meaningful, children learn that communication works.
✅ Model without pressure. Whether you're modeling signs, words, or AAC (augmentative and alternative communication), let your child see communication in action—without expecting them to copy it right away.
✅ Celebrate connection, not compliance. The goal is a child who wants to communicate, not one who has to.

Communication is a Right, Not a Reward

Every child deserves the chance to express themselves—to protest, to joke, to ask, to connect. Communication is not a performance to be incentivized; it’s a relationship to be nurtured.

When we treat communication as inherently meaningful and rooted in relationship, we unlock something powerful: a child who sees themselves as capable, connected, and understood.

And that’s when communication truly begins to bloom.

Why Regulation Comes Before Communication: A Therapeutic Look at Maslow’s Hierarchy

by laura dodd - link therapies

At Link Therapies, we often meet families eager to support their child’s communication and developmental goals—but what if the first step isn’t speech or language at all?

We’re all familiar with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, a framework describing how humans must first satisfy basic needs (like food and safety) before achieving growth and learning. But what happens when we apply this model through the lens of emotional regulation and therapy?

Let’s take a look at the adapted version—Maslow’s Hierarchy of Regulation.

The Hierarchy of Regulation

At its core, this model highlights that without physiological needs, safety, and connection, a child cannot access higher-level functions like language learning, emotional regulation, or problem-solving. The levels include:

• Physiological Needs: Sleep, hunger, hydration, sensory balance.

• Safety Needs: Predictable routines, safe environments, consistency.

• Connection & Co-Regulation: Trusting relationships, responsive caregivers, emotional attunement.

• Self-Esteem & Capability: Confidence, skill-building, independence.

• Self-Actualization: Reaching one’s potential, creativity, purpose.

In our work with speech and ABA therapy clients, this hierarchy is a reminder that we must meet a child’s foundational needs first—especially emotional regulation—before introducing new language or academic concepts.

What This Means in Therapy

If a child is dysregulated—melting down, overwhelmed, or emotionally shut down—it isn’t time for flashcards or therapy activities. It’s time for co-regulation.

Co-regulation is the process of an adult helping a child calm their nervous system through presence, tone, and empathy. Only when the child feels safe and connected can they access their thinking brain, which is where learning and language live.

As we often say:

“A dysregulated child isn’t being difficult – they’re asking for support. When we meet their needs, we unlock their potential.”

Follow the Child's Lead: Interest-Driven Language Learning

Once a child is regulated, engagement is the next step toward communication. One of the most effective ways to support language development is by following the child’s lead—observing what they’re interested in and joining them there.

This often begins with play.

Play is defined as a self-chosen, enjoyable activity that is internally motivated and process-oriented rather than outcome-driven. It’s how children explore the world, connect with others, and learn new concepts—including language.

And importantly, there is no “right way” to play. Some children line up toys. Some act out elaborate pretend stories. Others may explore materials by spinning, sorting, or carrying them. All of these are valid expressions of play—and all offer opportunities for interaction and communication when approached with curiosity and respect.

When we present activities that are meaningful and motivating to the child, we build connection and open the door to learning. In contrast, if a child is focused on trying to escape or avoid an activity they don’t enjoy, their brain is in survival mode—not learning mode.

By respecting a child’s preferences and honoring their autonomy, we create an emotionally safe environment where communication can naturally emerge. Whether it’s playing with trains, reading favorite books, or spinning in a chair—every interest is an opportunity for connection and language.

Why Regulation is Step One for Communication

For children with communication delays or social difficulties, behavior often serves as their primary form of expression. When a child hits, runs, or withdraws, we don’t view it as defiance—we understand it as their way of expressing discomfort or dissatisfaction with the situation.

And before we can expect language, we must first restore safety, offer connection, and co-regulate. This is where our integrated team approach shines—our therapists collaborate to meet a child where they are, supporting both speech and behavior through a lens of regulation and trust.

Supporting the Whole Child at Link Therapies

At Link Therapies, we provide:

• Speech Therapy

• ABA Therapy

Our services are grounded in the philosophy that learning and language flourish when a child feels safe, seen, and supported.

References

• Hopper, E. (2024, May 14). Maslow’s hierarchy of needs explained. ThoughtCo. Read here

• McLeod, S. A. (2021, December 29). Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Simply Psychology. Read here

• Mind Is the Master. (n.d.). The 5 levels of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs explained. Read here

Presume Potential: Believing in Your Child’s Ability to Communicate

By Allison Schmidt -Link therapies

Speech-Language Pathologist

At Link Therapies, we believe every child has something important to say—whether they are speaking verbally or using AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication). One of the most powerful tools we can use as parents, caregivers, and professionals is the mindset of presuming potential.

What Does Presuming Potential Mean?

Presuming potential means that you believe your child is capable of learning, understanding, and communicating. Even if your child isn’t using spoken language, it doesn’t mean they have nothing to say. Every child deserves access to communication tools that help them express their thoughts, feelings, and needs. AAC systems, including communication devices, visuals, and gestures, are essential supports to help unlock that potential.

Why It Matters

When we believe in a child’s ability, we:

• Emphasize growth instead of limitations

• Set high—but achievable—expectations

• Offer more opportunities for the child to express themselves

When we assume a child can’t, we risk limiting their development, independence, and connection with others.

Tips for Presuming Potential at Home

Here are three powerful ways you can start presuming potential today at home:

1. Talk to Your Child Assuming They Understand

Use rich, meaningful language just as you would with a verbally speaking child. This helps build vocabulary and communication skills, regardless of their current expressive level.

Learn more about our speech therapy services and how we support receptive language development.

2. Celebrate Any and All Communication Attempts

Whether it's a word, a glance, a gesture, or using their AAC system—it all counts! Respond with excitement and acknowledgment to reinforce their efforts.

Visit our AAC support page to learn how we help families implement and celebrate AAC use.

3. Believe in Progress—Even If You Don’t See It Yet

Communication growth takes time. Keep modeling language, talking with your child, and staying consistent. Trust that they are learning and absorbing everything around them.

Explore our parent coaching programs for guidance and encouragement along the way.

Let’s Empower Communication Together

At Link Therapies, we’re passionate about building confident communicators—no matter where they start. If you’re looking for personalized speech therapy or AAC support in the Bay Area, we’re here to help.

📞 Contact us today to schedule a free consultation and take the first step toward empowered communication.

Give It Time: Letting Your Child Explore Their AAC Device

By Allison Schmidt -Link therapies

Speech-Language Pathologist

Give It Time: Supporting Your Child as They Learn to Use Their AAC Device

When introducing an AAC device (Augmentative and Alternative Communication) to your child, one of the most important things you can do is give it time. Learning to use AAC is just like learning a new language—not only for your child but also for you as their communication partner.

Just like babies need to hear and see language before they begin to speak, AAC users need time to:

• Explore their AAC system

• Hear and see words modeled consistently

• Start making connections between symbols and meaning

• Make mistakes and learn from them

What AAC Learning Might Look Like

At first, it might seem like your child is simply tapping around or “playing” with their AAC device. But this seemingly random activity is crucial. It helps your child:

• Discover how the system works

• Learn the location of key vocabulary

• Practice the motor skills needed for accurate selection

• Understand that the device is a tool for communication

How to Help at Home with AAC

You play a vital role in your child’s success with AAC. Here are three parent-friendly tips for encouraging communication through exploration:

1. Be Present and Talk With Them

Sit beside your child while they use their AAC system. Talk about what they’re trying to say and show them you value their attempts. As a parent, you are a powerful communication model.

2. Allow for Mistakes

Don’t worry about correcting every button press. Exploration is how kids learn. Just like with spoken language, children need room to make mistakes before they can use AAC intentionally and fluently.

3. Celebrate All Attempts

Whether your child selects a single word or presses a whole sentence, celebrate it! Every communication attempt matters. Just like we cheer on a baby who babbles for the first time, we need to encourage early AAC use with enthusiasm and positivity.

Final Thoughts

Your child’s journey with AAC will take time—and that’s okay. By being supportive, patient, and engaged, you help build their confidence and communication skills every step of the way.

If you’re looking for more resources on AAC for kids or need guidance on how to support your child’s language development, we’re here to help. Contact us to schedule a consultation with one of our speech-language pathologists!